That's some admirable restraint, if you ask me

While turning a male patient in bed...

Nurse: "come on, we have to turn that way and get you off these nasty sheets."

Patient: "No. I'll kill you motherfuckers."

Nurse: "ok, no one's killing anyone tonight."

Patient: "I will. Because I ain't killed a man in... Um... Four days."

Woot!

Getting report on a patient...

Me: "is she appropriate?"
Other nurse: "um, actually, NO. Not at all."