So they told me that I'm being assigned as someone's main preceptor, which means I get to show them how to be a nurse and how to do our job.
Is it wrong that my first reaction was, "I don't know if you guys know how inappropriate I really am...." ?
I'm actually a little bit terrified. Part of how I work is so not by the book, and I am totally not a policy and procedure bitch.
What if this person has no sense of humor? What if they do some dumb shit and people blame me?
There has to be someone more qualified, right?
Showing posts with label the crazy life. Show all posts
Showing posts with label the crazy life. Show all posts
6.30.2012
I would really like to know this backstory
I got floated to a different unit last night. On the side of a trash can *inside the employees-only rest room* it said, "please do not pee in me", with a sad face underneath.
10.25.2011
Toys in the attic he is crazy...
But holy shit, I am shaken up by it. I had this guy all night. I feel for the guy, I really do. He's been in the hospital for over half a year. Half. A. Year. I can't even imagine that. Anyway, I kept trying to convince this guy to let me give him a bath. He kept saying no, and I finally reached an agreement with him that I'd give him pain meds beforehand so it would be easier, and he said yes. So I have his bath drawn up (it was absolutely worth negotiations, he was disgusting and needed a bath so, so badly).
I took off his blanket. He sat up in the bed, one hand fervently swinging at me, the other pointing at me. He's so agitated veins are popping out of his forehead.
"you LIE! YOU LIE! YOU LIE!". Ad nauseum. And I'm sitting there floored, because until then this guy has barely even bothered to wake up. I said something like, "Ok, it's going to be all right. I'm sorry you think that". That set him off. "I don't think so, I KNOW SO!" I said, "Ok, fair enough. No bath". And he instantly settled down, laying back on the bed and going back to sleep, like a switch was flipped.
Shit, it shakes me up when people are so freaking fervent, though. I'm as agnostic as they come, and I had the fleeting thought, "oh my god, this must be what people believe the devil looks like" (and maybe this just means I'm a more superstitious agnostic than most). I am not shaken up by deranged patients very often. But this guy has made the hairs on the back of my neck stand on end. Maybe the sudden superhuman strength, the demonic fervor in his eyes, maybe the blood vessels standing out on his forehead? I don't know what freaked me out, but I am shocked he didn't spin his head around and start spewing pea soup. I'd have had to get a change of clothes at work. Ugh.
Happy Halloween! Oh, wait...
I took off his blanket. He sat up in the bed, one hand fervently swinging at me, the other pointing at me. He's so agitated veins are popping out of his forehead.
"you LIE! YOU LIE! YOU LIE!". Ad nauseum. And I'm sitting there floored, because until then this guy has barely even bothered to wake up. I said something like, "Ok, it's going to be all right. I'm sorry you think that". That set him off. "I don't think so, I KNOW SO!" I said, "Ok, fair enough. No bath". And he instantly settled down, laying back on the bed and going back to sleep, like a switch was flipped.
Shit, it shakes me up when people are so freaking fervent, though. I'm as agnostic as they come, and I had the fleeting thought, "oh my god, this must be what people believe the devil looks like" (and maybe this just means I'm a more superstitious agnostic than most). I am not shaken up by deranged patients very often. But this guy has made the hairs on the back of my neck stand on end. Maybe the sudden superhuman strength, the demonic fervor in his eyes, maybe the blood vessels standing out on his forehead? I don't know what freaked me out, but I am shocked he didn't spin his head around and start spewing pea soup. I'd have had to get a change of clothes at work. Ugh.
Happy Halloween! Oh, wait...
8.28.2011
The corollary to having nine days off in a row....
Is apparently nine or so days of utter and complete hell.
Friday: work night shift 7p-7a
Saturday: work night shift 7p-7a
Sunday: Day "off" but weird one because I got home at 9 am
Monday: go to training for new job, 8a-4:30p
Tuesday: go to training for new job, 8a-4:30p
Wednesday: go to training for new job, 8a-4:30p
Thursday: go to training for new job, 8a-4:30p AND work night shift 7p-7a
Friday: work night shift 7p-7a
Saturday: work night shift 7p-7a
That's 92 hours of work in ... 8 days? 9 days? Do I give a fuck anymore?
Whatever. Anyway, I have six hours left to go (whispering, so as not to tempt fate) and all I have to say to this week* is: Fuck you. Don't let the door hit you on the way out. Suck my left nut. Got that?
One other thing: Shout the fuck OUT to all of my family and friends. I fucking LOVE you people. I feel like every time I was about to lose my shit completely, I would get an awesome text from someone or someone would make me laugh really hard, which was so much needed. You all rock and you absolutely collectively saved my sanity this week. I owe you guys.
I've been completely climbing the walls. I went from posting on facebook every 3.1 days to posting 8 times about dumb shit no one cares about - and what did you guys do? You were awesome. You kept liking and commenting on shit. I texted all day incessantly about dumb shit no one cares about. You not only replied, but totally put a smile on my face every time.
For that, I think you're all awesome. You know who you are.
Peace out, bitches, I'm going to bed.
*(And yes, I'm aware that I set this up myself. Completely, horribly stupidly aware of that)...
8.07.2011
Weekly update? Yearly? Oh well...
So I've made it two years. Someone apparently thinks I'm good enough at this job that I should be allowed to teach the new grads. I hope it's someone who is familiar enough with my irreverant sense of humor that they don't get upset when I laugh at things I'm not supposed to laugh at.
I start a new job soon, but only PRN (defined as working at least 2 nights per month or so). It's in a unit that is VERY different and uses technologies and such that we never use on my ICU. I'm terrified because they only give us three nights of orientation. THREE nights.
I've transitioned to nights only. For a long time it was weekends only, (Friday, Saturday, Sunday nights) because I was homeschooling my kids for the year. Next month they go back to public school, and they are all excited and so am I. So now I'm sticking with nights only, but I get to be off more weekends! Hells yeah.
Part of this is because I can't stand the people who work day shift in my ICU. Part of it is that I do better at night - less people around, less management, more independence. So, a number of things.
I'm looking at starting a program next year for grad school if I can put away enough money from my PRN job. I'm planning to have them deposit my checks into an account I don't use that's not connected to my regular checking account. I really hope that works out for me and it's not just a stupid bullshit strategy. I feel like whenever I work overtime I just spend the extra money away as quickly as possible. The idea of never going to grad school in this is really scary and sad for me - but the idea of not having enough money to, you know, live on and send my kids to school - that freaks me out too. My oldest is going to be 14 next month, so it's not a faroff concern either.
I start a new job soon, but only PRN (defined as working at least 2 nights per month or so). It's in a unit that is VERY different and uses technologies and such that we never use on my ICU. I'm terrified because they only give us three nights of orientation. THREE nights.
I've transitioned to nights only. For a long time it was weekends only, (Friday, Saturday, Sunday nights) because I was homeschooling my kids for the year. Next month they go back to public school, and they are all excited and so am I. So now I'm sticking with nights only, but I get to be off more weekends! Hells yeah.
Part of this is because I can't stand the people who work day shift in my ICU. Part of it is that I do better at night - less people around, less management, more independence. So, a number of things.
I'm looking at starting a program next year for grad school if I can put away enough money from my PRN job. I'm planning to have them deposit my checks into an account I don't use that's not connected to my regular checking account. I really hope that works out for me and it's not just a stupid bullshit strategy. I feel like whenever I work overtime I just spend the extra money away as quickly as possible. The idea of never going to grad school in this is really scary and sad for me - but the idea of not having enough money to, you know, live on and send my kids to school - that freaks me out too. My oldest is going to be 14 next month, so it's not a faroff concern either.
6.10.2011
Offering to give friends IV fluids when they are hung over
Well, it kind of changes your relationship. I got this horrified, aghast look.
I have been desperate enough to pop in an IV and give myself IV fluids, though, and it was completely hands-down awesome. As in, I was SHOCKED at how much better I felt after the fluids. I kept marveling at it all day.
One handed IV starts on yourself? Well, they kind of suck, though. I've gotten them 2 or 3 times total. Damn family members who are afraid of blood (what's it going to do? chase you down?). The only one who isn't afraid of blood is my buddy the six year old, but he's not exactly at the stage where I can enlist him for help with the IV starting process.
I have been desperate enough to pop in an IV and give myself IV fluids, though, and it was completely hands-down awesome. As in, I was SHOCKED at how much better I felt after the fluids. I kept marveling at it all day.
One handed IV starts on yourself? Well, they kind of suck, though. I've gotten them 2 or 3 times total. Damn family members who are afraid of blood (what's it going to do? chase you down?). The only one who isn't afraid of blood is my buddy the six year old, but he's not exactly at the stage where I can enlist him for help with the IV starting process.
8.06.2009
I don't know how much longer I can do this.
The schedule changes are completely killing me. I want to kill some of my fellow new grads because the luck of the draw sucks. How come they give these chicks just out of school with no kids and no significant other straight days and I have to keep switching my days and nights and fucking up my life?
I am seriously wondering if I should just quit, this just feels like too much. My kids don't see me, my husband doesn't see me. I like the unit and have had some good days, great days, so far. But what it's doing to me, and the rest of my life, is not worth it. I still want to be a fucking mother here, and so far that's not been possible.
I miss my kids and husband so much.
I miss my therapist (he's had to go out of town on some family emergency for a couple of weeks now and so I am stuck handling this with my own rudimentary coping skills, like blog posts).
It really shouldn't be more difficult than going to school while working. it shouldn't. But somehow it's killing me over here.
I am seriously wondering if I should just quit, this just feels like too much. My kids don't see me, my husband doesn't see me. I like the unit and have had some good days, great days, so far. But what it's doing to me, and the rest of my life, is not worth it. I still want to be a fucking mother here, and so far that's not been possible.
I miss my kids and husband so much.
I miss my therapist (he's had to go out of town on some family emergency for a couple of weeks now and so I am stuck handling this with my own rudimentary coping skills, like blog posts).
It really shouldn't be more difficult than going to school while working. it shouldn't. But somehow it's killing me over here.
7.31.2009
I have no idea what I am doing.
So I started a new job a few weeks ago. It's terrifying to be on the unit so far, though that's probably because I've only done it once so far.
I am so much more addicted to the internet than I thought I was. I keep thinking I will email people and stuff, but then I have NO TIME ONLINE. So I am losing touch with people.
I don't know why I am doing this, and I feel like I've just fucked up unbelievably in leaving a steady, stable career for a new one where I don't know fuck-all about jack shit. :(
I am so much more addicted to the internet than I thought I was. I keep thinking I will email people and stuff, but then I have NO TIME ONLINE. So I am losing touch with people.
I don't know why I am doing this, and I feel like I've just fucked up unbelievably in leaving a steady, stable career for a new one where I don't know fuck-all about jack shit. :(
6.30.2009
NCLEX Study time, redux
So I am doing a lot of practice questions. There's just not that much to talk about with them. They are pretty damn boring overall.
One of my good nursing school friends takes her test 2 days before I take mine, and we have been studying together. Stupidly, I planned a trip to the beach for 4 days the week before I take my test. I'll be studying the whole time. It might help me relax. I started to get worried when I got an email from my new job saying "We REQUIRE you to pass the NCLEX before you start". Jeez, thanks, I didn't think I was panicked enough!
One of my good nursing school friends takes her test 2 days before I take mine, and we have been studying together. Stupidly, I planned a trip to the beach for 4 days the week before I take my test. I'll be studying the whole time. It might help me relax. I started to get worried when I got an email from my new job saying "We REQUIRE you to pass the NCLEX before you start". Jeez, thanks, I didn't think I was panicked enough!
1.16.2009
Whew. Hell of a week.
So I had my first nursing interview. After I left there, I felt awesome about it - I felt so much rapport with the people I talked to and one of the managers reminded me of my cousin and lived down the street from my high school, etc.
They won't know how many openings they have until at least Feb, maybe even March. So it'll be a longer process than I'd like.
And even though I felt awesome right afterward, the longer I get from the actual interview, the more things I can think of where I said something completely fucking stupid. Why is that always true? WTF?
They did also say that they're telling people that if they get another offer somewhere else and I want to know whether they would hire me or not, to call them. So if I do get an offer, I can see what they say. They are supposed to be calling me to schedule a day when I can go shadow someone on the unit. I really felt so at home there, and I'd love to work there, but I really still want to shadow to just get more information and talk to more people and reinforce my impressions if I can.
I also started clinical again. And class. And lab. I am not used to doing this many things at once again yet. I know I was good at it just a few months ago, but it feels very rusty right now.
They won't know how many openings they have until at least Feb, maybe even March. So it'll be a longer process than I'd like.
And even though I felt awesome right afterward, the longer I get from the actual interview, the more things I can think of where I said something completely fucking stupid. Why is that always true? WTF?
They did also say that they're telling people that if they get another offer somewhere else and I want to know whether they would hire me or not, to call them. So if I do get an offer, I can see what they say. They are supposed to be calling me to schedule a day when I can go shadow someone on the unit. I really felt so at home there, and I'd love to work there, but I really still want to shadow to just get more information and talk to more people and reinforce my impressions if I can.
I also started clinical again. And class. And lab. I am not used to doing this many things at once again yet. I know I was good at it just a few months ago, but it feels very rusty right now.
10.02.2008
This week
Tuesday, September 23 I had an 18 page care plan due at clinical. She gave them back with corrections and wanted it returned on Tuesday, September 30.
Thursday, September 25 I had to go take a test on campus for nursing management.
Sunday, September 28 I had a 5 page paper due for nursing management.
Wednesday, October 1, I had to go to lab to test out on tracheostomy care, tracheostomy suctioning, and chest tube care. Before going to do this, I had to go to the computer lab and complete 2 3-hour (approximately) modules. I had to make sure to get to the lab to practice the tracheostomy care and chest tube care, so that I wouldn't fail and need to do it over again.
Thursday, October 2, I had a test on 3 weeks of material for psych nursing.
The care plan was accepted with minimal revisions required. It took maybe half an hour to complete the things she suggested.
I took the nursing management test and got an 80. I was OK with that, even though it's the lowest grade I have gotten so far in nursing school, because I've been doing what I can this week and am not going to beat myself up.
The 5 page paper - I turned it in at 11:59 (it was due at midnight). I still have not gotten my grade for that.
I passed lab skills testing.
I just finished the psych nursing test a few minutes ago. I got a 92. And seriously, the only studying I did for this was some time after clinical in the hospital cafeteria going over sample questions from an NCLEX book. I have spent less than 2 hours studying for this.
I feel like I just escaped from a burning building. I am disheveled, sleep deprived, have bloodshot eyes, and when someone asks me how I am I want to burst into tears. But I somehow survived. It's really been making me think about how much I really want to do this nursing thing, that is for sure.
Oh, and in the middle of all this I had a major project release at work, which (someone someplace decided) required daily conference calls. I don't even get paid to work every day. I was calling in from the car on my way to lab some days. It was ridiculous. I was getting emails first thing in the morning asking if things had been fixed overnight. It was really enough to make me do a double take.
I got an employee review this week and was told I am doing well. I am not even sure how that worked out, sort of like I am not sure how any of this worked out, including my test grade.
Thursday, September 25 I had to go take a test on campus for nursing management.
Sunday, September 28 I had a 5 page paper due for nursing management.
Wednesday, October 1, I had to go to lab to test out on tracheostomy care, tracheostomy suctioning, and chest tube care. Before going to do this, I had to go to the computer lab and complete 2 3-hour (approximately) modules. I had to make sure to get to the lab to practice the tracheostomy care and chest tube care, so that I wouldn't fail and need to do it over again.
Thursday, October 2, I had a test on 3 weeks of material for psych nursing.
The care plan was accepted with minimal revisions required. It took maybe half an hour to complete the things she suggested.
I took the nursing management test and got an 80. I was OK with that, even though it's the lowest grade I have gotten so far in nursing school, because I've been doing what I can this week and am not going to beat myself up.
The 5 page paper - I turned it in at 11:59 (it was due at midnight). I still have not gotten my grade for that.
I passed lab skills testing.
I just finished the psych nursing test a few minutes ago. I got a 92. And seriously, the only studying I did for this was some time after clinical in the hospital cafeteria going over sample questions from an NCLEX book. I have spent less than 2 hours studying for this.
I feel like I just escaped from a burning building. I am disheveled, sleep deprived, have bloodshot eyes, and when someone asks me how I am I want to burst into tears. But I somehow survived. It's really been making me think about how much I really want to do this nursing thing, that is for sure.
Oh, and in the middle of all this I had a major project release at work, which (someone someplace decided) required daily conference calls. I don't even get paid to work every day. I was calling in from the car on my way to lab some days. It was ridiculous. I was getting emails first thing in the morning asking if things had been fixed overnight. It was really enough to make me do a double take.
I got an employee review this week and was told I am doing well. I am not even sure how that worked out, sort of like I am not sure how any of this worked out, including my test grade.
9.27.2008
I am really becoming one of THOSE people...
This is why I started this blog.
When I talk to people about nursing school, I get varied reactions. At first I think people were really interested about how it would work, and asked a lot of questions. Then it became where some people would ask questions and others stopped.
Now, I have reached a point where I think people are afraid to ask how I am doing because it's like trying to take a drink out of a firehose. I get this vibe from the looks on peoples' faces like, "Boring conversation alert, BEEP BEEP BEEP". By the time I realize this I think people have already been ignoring me for a while.
I am like one of those new parents who can ONLY talk about their child and all their childless friends are avoiding them.
I am sorry. : ( I do at least know this. I just don't know what to do about it except just finish the fucking thing as soon as I can, so I can get a life and have something else to talk about.
When I talk to people about nursing school, I get varied reactions. At first I think people were really interested about how it would work, and asked a lot of questions. Then it became where some people would ask questions and others stopped.
Now, I have reached a point where I think people are afraid to ask how I am doing because it's like trying to take a drink out of a firehose. I get this vibe from the looks on peoples' faces like, "Boring conversation alert, BEEP BEEP BEEP". By the time I realize this I think people have already been ignoring me for a while.
I am like one of those new parents who can ONLY talk about their child and all their childless friends are avoiding them.
I am sorry. : ( I do at least know this. I just don't know what to do about it except just finish the fucking thing as soon as I can, so I can get a life and have something else to talk about.
9.12.2008
The morning everyone thought I was a drug seeker
So, my husband was out of town Wednesday and Thursday. Wednesday night was clinical and Thursday morning was our first Psych exam.
Wednesday night I was completing homework at the last minute, and I heard some rustling. It sounded like someone was in our laundry room and that freaked me out. I threw a book near the door to that room so whoever it was would get scared thinking "Hey, someone's here!" and book it. Well, it was quiet for a while and then it started again. Rinse, lather, repeat. As I was finishing up my homework, I saw a fucking RAT come out from under the laundry room door and come towards the room I was in.
Here's where it gets weird, because I am not sure why I reacted like this. I was SO ANGRY that some motherfucking rat would invade my house I RAN AT IT and yelled "You motherfucker!". It turned around quick and went back underneath the door to the laundry room, but if it hadn't I wonder what sort of disease process I would be coming down with right now.
So we have rats, and we found this out while my husband was on a business trip. The night before a big test.
So I woke up the next morning, and as I am getting my kids ready,I realize I have no ritalin left for my test. I am extremely, horribly, ADD. I have never actually taken any sort of assessment or test for school unmedicated. It would be my worst nightmare, as it's difficult enough with meds.
So I got the kids off to day care and got to the CVS early. I was waiting around for them to open the pharmacy, and when they did I gave them my oldest Ritalin prescription (I take Ritalin PRN/as needed, so I often have 3-4 prescriptions I haven't filled in my purse). She said it was expired so I flipped through my pile of scripts to find the newest one and gave it to her.
I didn't realize until later what a total drug seeking loser I must have looked like. She did ultimately fill the script and not ask me anything, so I assume something caused her to think I was legit. But I shudder to think what she must have been thinking.
I got a 94 on the first test, and a 95 on that assignment I was up late finishing, by the way, so it all worked out. But that was probably one of the worst 24 hour sequences of my life, what with rats, a test, a late homework assignment, and locking my house key in the house after I left. Luckily I did already have my computer, so I went to a coffee shop to take it (we take our tests online).
Wednesday night I was completing homework at the last minute, and I heard some rustling. It sounded like someone was in our laundry room and that freaked me out. I threw a book near the door to that room so whoever it was would get scared thinking "Hey, someone's here!" and book it. Well, it was quiet for a while and then it started again. Rinse, lather, repeat. As I was finishing up my homework, I saw a fucking RAT come out from under the laundry room door and come towards the room I was in.
Here's where it gets weird, because I am not sure why I reacted like this. I was SO ANGRY that some motherfucking rat would invade my house I RAN AT IT and yelled "You motherfucker!". It turned around quick and went back underneath the door to the laundry room, but if it hadn't I wonder what sort of disease process I would be coming down with right now.
So we have rats, and we found this out while my husband was on a business trip. The night before a big test.
So I woke up the next morning, and as I am getting my kids ready,I realize I have no ritalin left for my test. I am extremely, horribly, ADD. I have never actually taken any sort of assessment or test for school unmedicated. It would be my worst nightmare, as it's difficult enough with meds.
So I got the kids off to day care and got to the CVS early. I was waiting around for them to open the pharmacy, and when they did I gave them my oldest Ritalin prescription (I take Ritalin PRN/as needed, so I often have 3-4 prescriptions I haven't filled in my purse). She said it was expired so I flipped through my pile of scripts to find the newest one and gave it to her.
I didn't realize until later what a total drug seeking loser I must have looked like. She did ultimately fill the script and not ask me anything, so I assume something caused her to think I was legit. But I shudder to think what she must have been thinking.
I got a 94 on the first test, and a 95 on that assignment I was up late finishing, by the way, so it all worked out. But that was probably one of the worst 24 hour sequences of my life, what with rats, a test, a late homework assignment, and locking my house key in the house after I left. Luckily I did already have my computer, so I went to a coffee shop to take it (we take our tests online).
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