Public service announcement # 75426

I was going to say "this one is for the guys", but really it could apply to anyone.

If, hypothetically, you get some kind of brain issue in the future that requires hospitalization and a 24/7 police escort... Even if you think you're a hot commodity... No, the nurses, techs, and doctors DO NOT want some of that. I promise. Even if you're related to some celebrity I've never heard of and have a good singing voice. Even if you once had a wife that looks just like me. Nope, I still don't want some of that. And I can guarantee you they won't. Save yourself the hassle.

Aaaaaand it's not a Friday night until...

You walk in and your patient is trying to place his pulse oximeter on his penis. Then he looks up at me and says, "it's three in the morning. What's a girl your age doing out this late?"

Beats last Friday night's excitement...

Never say this unless you want all kinds of modern connotations attached to it

(call light goes off)

Secretary, over the intercom: "yes, mr. Lastname?"

Mr. Lastname: "I need my nurse to come in here and make me happy."