I guess it's not over till it's over.

And sometimes that can be a good thing.

Going into my final, I was hovering around the B range with my grades. Considering the horrible semester I had been having, I was happy with that and even somewhat looking forward to no longet having a 4.0 - I was looking forward to less pressure to put on myself and less expectation. And maybe people thinking of me as less of a fucking perfectionist, since a few times I have made the mistake of sharing my grades with others.

So I was pretty relaxed the day of the final. I had run the calculations that it would be pretty easy for me to end up with a B, even if I got a C on the exam, so I had studied what I was weak on and reinforced what I was strong on. I knew it was pretty near mathematically impossible for me to get an A.

Taking the exam, it felt really surprisingly easy. Like, the questions I had done to practice were much harder and more complex, and I was shocked it was that easy after the crazy tests they'd thrown at us this semester. I thought with more than one question, "They must be trying to give this one to us". In the back of my mind I was happy that I was going to get a B.

Fast forward to later in the day when they posted grades (this was their last day before break, and I guess the faculty REALLY just wanted to leave, because it only took them 6 or so hours to have grades posted - in prior semesters they took 3 days).

I GOT A 96 ON THAT FINAL, AND THUS ENDED UP WITH AN A IN THE CLASS.

After all that. I was really shocked, and for a while I thought it was a type-o. After that, I was actually sort of disappointed because I spent so much time telling myself that now that I was getting a B, I'd be under much less pressure to do perfectly on every assessment and ace every test. But now I am really excited, because I can still go to job interviews and tell them I have a 4.0 GPA. I still can talk about that. It's sort of unreal, in a way I feel like I don't deserve that, because I didn't keep up the effort as much this semester as I had previously, and my grades throughout the semester were really not that good. But I got it anyway! I am still conflicted as to how I should feel about this, obviously. I also feel guilty because I know there are people who didn't pass the semester. I don't know who they are yet, because of the people I have talked to, everyone passed - but some people are not registered for classes anymore next semester. When I find out I am sure I will be surprised about who those people were and feel really bad for them. I feel vaguely like I don't deserve to pass, but I have a harder time with getting As than I do with getting Bs and Cs, so I have issues. LOL.

So, another semester, another 4.0. I am still not used to it.