Me: You got poop under your fingernails! How did you do that?
Patient: I don't know.
Other nurse: What are you gonna do when all the pretty ladies come to see you, and you go to wave at them and you've got poop underneath your nails and on your hand?
Patient: Well, that's never stopped me before. And I could always use my other hand. See? I'm doing it right now.
Oh, I hope he was only waving with that hand...
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