The Home Depot baby: a cautionary tale

A while back I was admitting a lady in preterm labor.  I noticed on her chart that we shared a birth month and year.  When I was asking her history it became apparent she had older kids, which is another thing she and I share.

Me:  "so how old is your first baby?"

Patient: "oh she's a worthless thing that's almost sixteen, thinks she owns the damn world." 

I laughed out loud and got the rest of her history.  

We have a section on our chart where we ask if the patient got pregnant as a result of fertility treatments.  When I asked her this she laughed out loud.  And she said:

"Honey, this is a Home Depot baby.  You know what that is?  It happens when you get divorced.  After a couple of years you start noticing the cute young boys at the Home Depot.  Some of them even offer to come over and help you fix things if you ask enough questions.  So you have this beautiful young man in your house... and you know what happens?  They don't even need more than a couple of minutes to get hard, and you don't even have time to think about wearing condoms.  So... Look what happens.  My old ass is having a Home Depot baby, and I'm in preterm labor because my old body isn't doing too good a job with it."

I told her I was in the middle of a divorce with older kids also.

She looked at me and said, "you'd better watch yourself, then!"

Look out, divorced ladies! Beware the Home Depot baby.