Clinical this week

I was told by two of my patients that they were glad I was going into nursing and that I am really good at it. I have never gotten such a compliment and I felt like I was on top of the world for the rest of that shift.

One of the patients I had is in his 80s and really anxious to get back to work so he could pay his rent. I hope he got to go home like he was supposed to in the next day or two.

There was a patient who wasn't mine that I keep thinking about. He was in his bed and couldn't talk understandably. I took his vital signs to do someone else a favor and he kept gesturing with his hands and talking in words I could not understand. He seemed to really urgently want to tell me something. I finally realized he was rubbing his face and saying "shave". He did have hair growth on his face. One of the techs was in with me and she told him he couldn't get shaved until the morning. She was being really firm and kind of assholish with him. When we left the room I told her I would have shaved him but I didn't know how. She said that he was being combative with someone and had hit a nurse the night before.

It was the end of my shift so I just went home. Now I can't stop thinking about that poor guy who just wanted a shave and couldn't even communicate. One of my worst fears is to be trying so hard to talk to someone and not have them listen. I feel like a failure for not understanding what he was saying to us. He seemed so desperate for someone to hear him. I wish I was a better person and had decided to shave him myself, or told the assistant that she should just do it herself.

I think I need to find a therapist, because I was actually crying about this in the car yesterday.