Oh man. Awkward.

My patient was a very old man with difficult, rolly veins. He was awesome in general and we Joked about a lot through the night, but he got pissed at me when both of his IVs burned when I flushed them, and that meant he needed at least one new one. He told me all about how awful his veins were. So when I started his IV on the first try, he asked me if he could marry me.

No known drug allergies

Me: And are you allergic to any medications?
Patient: Just penicillin.
Me: What happens when you take penicillin?
Patient: I see Superman.

Damn. I have to work on this.

Me: "ma'am, you have to keep your gown on, you can't be showing all your goodies to everyone".

Patient: "well, YOU can't be showing all your goodies to everyone either!"

Twofer!

So last night I got punched in the face. Tonight, I got told by one of my patients that I was mean and he wanted to see my manager. He proceeded to tell the charge nurse that I am a NASTY BITCH (his words) and he needs a different nurse. A nasty bitch!

That's the best thing I've been called at work since... Maybe ever.

Fuck, neither do I...

Me: "ma'am, what year is it?"
Patient: "I don't care!"

And this was after this lady "accidentally" punched me in the face.

One of my favorite things

... That crazy people say - besides that we're trying to KILL them - is when they accuse us of withholding their antipsychotic medications.

"You still haven't given me my seroquel!" (he got it right on time, what does he think I am, stupid???)

Attention crazy people: contrary to popular belief, your nurses want you to have those meds just as badly as you do. Maybe even more so...