This is why I started this blog.
When I talk to people about nursing school, I get varied reactions. At first I think people were really interested about how it would work, and asked a lot of questions. Then it became where some people would ask questions and others stopped.
Now, I have reached a point where I think people are afraid to ask how I am doing because it's like trying to take a drink out of a firehose. I get this vibe from the looks on peoples' faces like, "Boring conversation alert, BEEP BEEP BEEP". By the time I realize this I think people have already been ignoring me for a while.
I am like one of those new parents who can ONLY talk about their child and all their childless friends are avoiding them.
I am sorry. : ( I do at least know this. I just don't know what to do about it except just finish the fucking thing as soon as I can, so I can get a life and have something else to talk about.
9.25.2008
Meds, meds, and more meds!
I had an awesome day at clinical yesterday. I was assigned 3 patients and I did all their meds, including insulin and one other subcutaneous injection. That makes 5 people I have injected with things, and they've all gone smoothly. Injections are one of the things that has freaked me out the most about nursing school.
Oddly enough, it doesn't freak me out to do accuchecks and sticking fingers and so forth. Hopefully I will get less freaked about it as time goes by. Right now I feel great about it, and by the end of the night my instructor wasn't even going in patient rooms anymore for me to give the meds, which totally surprised me.
I now have to figure out whether to ask her to recommend me for a preceptorship. I get the vibe that she thinks I am doing well, but I really don't know if I want to base the decision on a vibe. I will probably wait and see what kind of evaluation she writes for me, and I'll ask her then.
I only have 2 weeks left at this clinical, and I have very mixed feelings about that right now. The instructor is scary and yells a lot and can be condescending. But I have learned more in this clinical than I ever thought possible, and I feel like I have improved so much in the last 5 weeks it's like night and day. I also like the unit I am on, which I thought would be boring. I see something completely new every day and I love that. I don't want to do the rotation at the psych hospital. It just has no appeal for me. I have a sense of personal outrage at how I see people talk about and treat mentally ill patients. It infuriates me. Even medical and nursing professionals. I hate the system and feel like it's not really set up to help people get better, as much as set up to profit pharmaceutical companies, as the cures are often so much worse than the mental illness being treated.
Oddly enough, it doesn't freak me out to do accuchecks and sticking fingers and so forth. Hopefully I will get less freaked about it as time goes by. Right now I feel great about it, and by the end of the night my instructor wasn't even going in patient rooms anymore for me to give the meds, which totally surprised me.
I now have to figure out whether to ask her to recommend me for a preceptorship. I get the vibe that she thinks I am doing well, but I really don't know if I want to base the decision on a vibe. I will probably wait and see what kind of evaluation she writes for me, and I'll ask her then.
I only have 2 weeks left at this clinical, and I have very mixed feelings about that right now. The instructor is scary and yells a lot and can be condescending. But I have learned more in this clinical than I ever thought possible, and I feel like I have improved so much in the last 5 weeks it's like night and day. I also like the unit I am on, which I thought would be boring. I see something completely new every day and I love that. I don't want to do the rotation at the psych hospital. It just has no appeal for me. I have a sense of personal outrage at how I see people talk about and treat mentally ill patients. It infuriates me. Even medical and nursing professionals. I hate the system and feel like it's not really set up to help people get better, as much as set up to profit pharmaceutical companies, as the cures are often so much worse than the mental illness being treated.
She was gone
So, I don't know what happened to her. I hope she left the hospital and went to her granddaughter's wedding. I miss that lady, she was great to talk to and really loved the company, didn't mind that I was a student and fumbling around her, yadda yadda yadda.
I think she reminded me of my own grandma, kind of. I don't know what her prognosis is, but I hope she is feeling better.
I think she reminded me of my own grandma, kind of. I don't know what her prognosis is, but I hope she is feeling better.
9.18.2008
I just need to write this down, because I don't want to forget her.
I am not really sure how to start this post. I feel a need to write this down, even though it is probably not going to be logical or in correct order or anything.
I took care of an amazing lady this week, she was there both days and I was assigned to care for her both days. The first day I was doing her meds, and she was being prepped to get a bronchoscopy the next day. She had a really interesting medical history - previous breast cancer with mastectomy, hypertension and atrial fibrillations. The second day she was fresh from her bronchoscopy, which they decided to do because of a chest/abdomen/pelvic ct they had done. They had taken some biopsies of the tissue in her lungs and bronchi, and taken some blood tinged fluid from her pleural cavity. That second day, her breath sounds terrified me. It sounded absolutely wrong for someone to sound like that when they breathed. It sounded so painful, but she said she wasn't in pain.
She was so nice, and seemed really happy for the company on the second day because she didn't have a visitor. I asked her the gazillion questions I had to do for my care plan, and I learned a lot about her. She told me a story about how she used to go to church, but she felt like the people there were so judgemental and unchristian, so she quit going there, and has said that she just never felt at home in a church since then. She talked about how she was a pack rat and her family was fed up with her, and they refused to help her organize her stuff unless she would let them throw it away. She collects antiques and sells them at a (slight) profit and does a lot of organizing for the antique club organization. She still lives alone, and was talking about how she wants to see if a couple would move in her house in a shared arrangement so they could help her take care of the property and they could get reduced rent in a good neighborhood.
Her husband had died, and she was the same age he was when he died, but she said she just wasn't going to waste any time worrying because there wouldn't be anything she could do about this medical stuff anyway. She was so patient while I was doing her meds, even though my instructor had to help me through the IV flush process because I hadn't done it before.
This second day, she was getting more febrile as it was getting to be time for me to leave. They gave her medication for it, but it was still going strong 2 hours later. I really hope she is still OK, and I have been so worried about her all day. I worry about next week - if she is still there on Tuesday, that would mean she isn't improving. I hope she is doing better. I just wish I could know one way or the other, and I wanted her to be able to see her granddaughter get married.
(I came back to add more to this post.)
You know, I am also just really scared for her, and afraid of all the biopsies they took in her lungs. I have sort of a feeling of dread about all this, and I can hardly explain it, and it's making me so fucking sad.
I took care of an amazing lady this week, she was there both days and I was assigned to care for her both days. The first day I was doing her meds, and she was being prepped to get a bronchoscopy the next day. She had a really interesting medical history - previous breast cancer with mastectomy, hypertension and atrial fibrillations. The second day she was fresh from her bronchoscopy, which they decided to do because of a chest/abdomen/pelvic ct they had done. They had taken some biopsies of the tissue in her lungs and bronchi, and taken some blood tinged fluid from her pleural cavity. That second day, her breath sounds terrified me. It sounded absolutely wrong for someone to sound like that when they breathed. It sounded so painful, but she said she wasn't in pain.
She was so nice, and seemed really happy for the company on the second day because she didn't have a visitor. I asked her the gazillion questions I had to do for my care plan, and I learned a lot about her. She told me a story about how she used to go to church, but she felt like the people there were so judgemental and unchristian, so she quit going there, and has said that she just never felt at home in a church since then. She talked about how she was a pack rat and her family was fed up with her, and they refused to help her organize her stuff unless she would let them throw it away. She collects antiques and sells them at a (slight) profit and does a lot of organizing for the antique club organization. She still lives alone, and was talking about how she wants to see if a couple would move in her house in a shared arrangement so they could help her take care of the property and they could get reduced rent in a good neighborhood.
Her husband had died, and she was the same age he was when he died, but she said she just wasn't going to waste any time worrying because there wouldn't be anything she could do about this medical stuff anyway. She was so patient while I was doing her meds, even though my instructor had to help me through the IV flush process because I hadn't done it before.
This second day, she was getting more febrile as it was getting to be time for me to leave. They gave her medication for it, but it was still going strong 2 hours later. I really hope she is still OK, and I have been so worried about her all day. I worry about next week - if she is still there on Tuesday, that would mean she isn't improving. I hope she is doing better. I just wish I could know one way or the other, and I wanted her to be able to see her granddaughter get married.
(I came back to add more to this post.)
You know, I am also just really scared for her, and afraid of all the biopsies they took in her lungs. I have sort of a feeling of dread about all this, and I can hardly explain it, and it's making me so fucking sad.
9.16.2008
I am so nervous I am about to throw up.
So I have what's known throughout the program as "the scary clinical instructor". She's chewed my ass so far for using blue pen, for not double checking orders related to a saline lock before a patient got transferred (which resulted in me having to do research instead of putting papers in his chart, and I had to run to the other end of the hospital when I did get my paperwork completed).
Not too bad so far for 3 weeks in. But I've always been on the other end of the unit from her. So far I have just not had to deal with her a ton. I have been extremely lucky. Well, today, it's my day to pass meds to all my patients (3 in total), which means I will be on the side where she will be hovering over everything I do.
Say a prayer for me.
I also have to complete an 18 page care plan before next Tuesday. It is going to be fucking hard between giving meds today, which gives me just today/tomorrow to do the fucker.
Why, oh why, did I not have it printed out and ready to complete the first or second fucking week when we only had TWO patients?
Not too bad so far for 3 weeks in. But I've always been on the other end of the unit from her. So far I have just not had to deal with her a ton. I have been extremely lucky. Well, today, it's my day to pass meds to all my patients (3 in total), which means I will be on the side where she will be hovering over everything I do.
Say a prayer for me.
I also have to complete an 18 page care plan before next Tuesday. It is going to be fucking hard between giving meds today, which gives me just today/tomorrow to do the fucker.
Why, oh why, did I not have it printed out and ready to complete the first or second fucking week when we only had TWO patients?
9.12.2008
The morning everyone thought I was a drug seeker
So, my husband was out of town Wednesday and Thursday. Wednesday night was clinical and Thursday morning was our first Psych exam.
Wednesday night I was completing homework at the last minute, and I heard some rustling. It sounded like someone was in our laundry room and that freaked me out. I threw a book near the door to that room so whoever it was would get scared thinking "Hey, someone's here!" and book it. Well, it was quiet for a while and then it started again. Rinse, lather, repeat. As I was finishing up my homework, I saw a fucking RAT come out from under the laundry room door and come towards the room I was in.
Here's where it gets weird, because I am not sure why I reacted like this. I was SO ANGRY that some motherfucking rat would invade my house I RAN AT IT and yelled "You motherfucker!". It turned around quick and went back underneath the door to the laundry room, but if it hadn't I wonder what sort of disease process I would be coming down with right now.
So we have rats, and we found this out while my husband was on a business trip. The night before a big test.
So I woke up the next morning, and as I am getting my kids ready,I realize I have no ritalin left for my test. I am extremely, horribly, ADD. I have never actually taken any sort of assessment or test for school unmedicated. It would be my worst nightmare, as it's difficult enough with meds.
So I got the kids off to day care and got to the CVS early. I was waiting around for them to open the pharmacy, and when they did I gave them my oldest Ritalin prescription (I take Ritalin PRN/as needed, so I often have 3-4 prescriptions I haven't filled in my purse). She said it was expired so I flipped through my pile of scripts to find the newest one and gave it to her.
I didn't realize until later what a total drug seeking loser I must have looked like. She did ultimately fill the script and not ask me anything, so I assume something caused her to think I was legit. But I shudder to think what she must have been thinking.
I got a 94 on the first test, and a 95 on that assignment I was up late finishing, by the way, so it all worked out. But that was probably one of the worst 24 hour sequences of my life, what with rats, a test, a late homework assignment, and locking my house key in the house after I left. Luckily I did already have my computer, so I went to a coffee shop to take it (we take our tests online).
Wednesday night I was completing homework at the last minute, and I heard some rustling. It sounded like someone was in our laundry room and that freaked me out. I threw a book near the door to that room so whoever it was would get scared thinking "Hey, someone's here!" and book it. Well, it was quiet for a while and then it started again. Rinse, lather, repeat. As I was finishing up my homework, I saw a fucking RAT come out from under the laundry room door and come towards the room I was in.
Here's where it gets weird, because I am not sure why I reacted like this. I was SO ANGRY that some motherfucking rat would invade my house I RAN AT IT and yelled "You motherfucker!". It turned around quick and went back underneath the door to the laundry room, but if it hadn't I wonder what sort of disease process I would be coming down with right now.
So we have rats, and we found this out while my husband was on a business trip. The night before a big test.
So I woke up the next morning, and as I am getting my kids ready,I realize I have no ritalin left for my test. I am extremely, horribly, ADD. I have never actually taken any sort of assessment or test for school unmedicated. It would be my worst nightmare, as it's difficult enough with meds.
So I got the kids off to day care and got to the CVS early. I was waiting around for them to open the pharmacy, and when they did I gave them my oldest Ritalin prescription (I take Ritalin PRN/as needed, so I often have 3-4 prescriptions I haven't filled in my purse). She said it was expired so I flipped through my pile of scripts to find the newest one and gave it to her.
I didn't realize until later what a total drug seeking loser I must have looked like. She did ultimately fill the script and not ask me anything, so I assume something caused her to think I was legit. But I shudder to think what she must have been thinking.
I got a 94 on the first test, and a 95 on that assignment I was up late finishing, by the way, so it all worked out. But that was probably one of the worst 24 hour sequences of my life, what with rats, a test, a late homework assignment, and locking my house key in the house after I left. Luckily I did already have my computer, so I went to a coffee shop to take it (we take our tests online).
9.06.2008
For your amusement
Here are our disjointed reading assignments for the week.
pp 69-70
pp 244
pp 308-310
pp 334, 335
pp 386-421
pp 458, 476, 484, 486
pp 498-499
pp 545
pp 564-601
pp 782-843
Gone are the days of "Read chapter 6". Or even, "Read chapters 6, 7, 8, and 9". Such is nursing school.
pp 69-70
pp 244
pp 308-310
pp 334, 335
pp 386-421
pp 458, 476, 484, 486
pp 498-499
pp 545
pp 564-601
pp 782-843
Gone are the days of "Read chapter 6". Or even, "Read chapters 6, 7, 8, and 9". Such is nursing school.
I don't get it
Why would we be studying neurology so separate from psychiatric nursing? I think some of this stuff would make a great deal more sense to me in conjunction, or maybe sequentially.
This psych stuff is very vague. I mean, usually it's pretty easy to figure out what to study. Like for each condition I'll make a card for diagnosis/signs and symptoms, treatments, nursing considerations, pathophysiology, etc. There are tons of vague things that really don't easily fit on flash cards and aren't broken down that way in psychiatric nursing. Right now this semester is just really frustrating because of this.
Which is why I am avoidant and playing on the internet instead.
This psych stuff is very vague. I mean, usually it's pretty easy to figure out what to study. Like for each condition I'll make a card for diagnosis/signs and symptoms, treatments, nursing considerations, pathophysiology, etc. There are tons of vague things that really don't easily fit on flash cards and aren't broken down that way in psychiatric nursing. Right now this semester is just really frustrating because of this.
Which is why I am avoidant and playing on the internet instead.
9.05.2008
Sometimes I feel like a nurse...
One of my classmates was having trouble doing an assessment on an older gentleman because he was irate, and his respiratory crackles were so loud she claimed to not be able to auscultate an apical pulse.
I went in and he was complaining about not having a pen for his crosswords. I instantly whipped out a blue pen and said that if he took it off me he would be doing me a favor since my instructor has been so angry at me for using blue ink (which is true, unfortunately). He seemed amused at the idea they didn't want us to use blue ink. I slipped in and listened to his breath sounds on his back, then I slipped around to the front and found his apical pulse on the first try. I could see where she was having trouble, because his heart rate was so irregular that at first I wasn't sure I had it either, so I had to keep listening. But I had it!
There was a man who kept asking where the phone was, and it was right in front of him. I saw in the corner he had a glasses case, and I asked him if he wanted his glasses. He seemed so much more calm and able to answer questions when he had his glasses on.
I am just really happy with how this clinical is going so far. I'm nervous about getting 3 patients for the first time next week, but I was also really nervous with 2 patients and I have done fine with that, so I suspect I'll be all right.
I have no previous medical experience so being able to help someone find something like the apical pulse was really a first for me. This week was perhaps the first time I have ever felt like a nurse.
I had a patient who had oxygen via a nasal cannula, and she would take it off to eat dinner (we have evening shift). The first night I got a pulse-ox on her after she ate, and it was 92. 92 is not necessarily bad because you want it to be in the 90s on room air (without receiving oxygen). Anyway, the second day this week I had this patient again and she did the same thing. Her pulse-ox was 95 on room air the second day! She was really starting to improve, and that was the first time I have really ever seen/felt that as a nursing student. I really like that I chose a clinical that meets 2 days a week, because I suspect I will see a lot more of this this semester.
I went in and he was complaining about not having a pen for his crosswords. I instantly whipped out a blue pen and said that if he took it off me he would be doing me a favor since my instructor has been so angry at me for using blue ink (which is true, unfortunately). He seemed amused at the idea they didn't want us to use blue ink. I slipped in and listened to his breath sounds on his back, then I slipped around to the front and found his apical pulse on the first try. I could see where she was having trouble, because his heart rate was so irregular that at first I wasn't sure I had it either, so I had to keep listening. But I had it!
There was a man who kept asking where the phone was, and it was right in front of him. I saw in the corner he had a glasses case, and I asked him if he wanted his glasses. He seemed so much more calm and able to answer questions when he had his glasses on.
I am just really happy with how this clinical is going so far. I'm nervous about getting 3 patients for the first time next week, but I was also really nervous with 2 patients and I have done fine with that, so I suspect I'll be all right.
I have no previous medical experience so being able to help someone find something like the apical pulse was really a first for me. This week was perhaps the first time I have ever felt like a nurse.
I had a patient who had oxygen via a nasal cannula, and she would take it off to eat dinner (we have evening shift). The first night I got a pulse-ox on her after she ate, and it was 92. 92 is not necessarily bad because you want it to be in the 90s on room air (without receiving oxygen). Anyway, the second day this week I had this patient again and she did the same thing. Her pulse-ox was 95 on room air the second day! She was really starting to improve, and that was the first time I have really ever seen/felt that as a nursing student. I really like that I chose a clinical that meets 2 days a week, because I suspect I will see a lot more of this this semester.
I want to remember this
http://www.montgomeryadvertiser.com/apps/pbcs.dll/article?AID=/20080808/NEWS02/808080310/1009/news02
This really touched me, especially since I plan to go into peds when I graduate.
>>
This really touched me, especially since I plan to go into peds when I graduate.
>>
Dent also had a rare gift -- giving shots to patients without hurting them.
"She'd tell children to hold your nose and look at your toes," Irvin Dent told the Times. "Before they got done doing that, she'd be finished with the shot. The next time they came in, they'd ask for the nurse that didn't hurt."
<<
I want to remember that and use it myself one day.
May she rest in peace.
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